Sassy strawberry plant Soy :)

Bloom where you are planted. But usually only the tough weeds grow between the cracks in the cement. I don't know if I'm a tough weed. In conversation with my friend Ximena, we began talking about what images we find meaningful for understanding and talking about life. One of tough weed or delicate flower does not work for me, but a hearty little plant with flowers and sweet, juicy fruit sounds about right. I like strawberries, a lot. I love them as an image for how I understand my life - strawberry plants need the right soil, need the right amount of water, and the right amount of sunlight; I too need an environment I can thrive in and grow in. Strawberries are notorious for spreading all over the place - they send out runners in all directions and can be hard to keep under control - me too - I tend to send out runners in all directions, whether because of academic ADD or because I feel restless, or because I'm searching for the right soil - I sometimes feel like I am all over the place, but I also know that I need the space to explore, to grow, to spread so that I can bloom and enjoy the fruit of my labor. I feel like I have been looking for the right place to grow wild, but maybe I need to be okay with containment too, to "bloom where I'm planted" so to speak. I'm not sure, but I'll keep sending out runners :)

the end of winter

ohio is deceptive. i have heard this statement several times this week. we should know better. the sun has peaked from behind the curtain of clouds, but winter is not over...there will be more snow, the sun's warmth is just a ruse to get us to let our guard down. or so they tell me. and yes, this is most likely true, but winter is over. even if the snow falls, even if the days return to grayness, spring is here - the days are becoming longer, the sun more intense, and winter may attempt to raise its defeated head, but it is defeated afterall. and next weekend is time change. i do not enjoy losing an hour of my precious sleep, but the trade off works out nicely, with that extra hour of light at the end of my day (who am i kidding...more like the middle of my day :) so bring on the flip flops and tank tops!!! with a possible trip to the New Mexico on the horizon and ohio's new found affinity for sunshine, things are indeed looking up. new beginnings are bound to come and that is, after all, what spring is all about right? new life, new chances, new beginnings...

When life gives you Lemonade....

So far 2010 has not gone the way I had hoped it would. I know, 1 month in, so I should give it a chance to get better....which I will, but that doesn't really help my current disappointment with the situation.

I'm not a believer in Karma (I do think what comes around goes around, but...not Karma exactly) and even less so now. Why do I say this? Because I did not plant a lemon tree, yet life seems to be giving me lemons...limes would be much better or avocados maybe? Either way, January in Ohio is lemony - it's cold and gray and yucky and now my car has decided that I don't need to be able to open my door from the inside - just the outside (thank goodness for that), but at least I have that to be thankful for - climbing in and out would be a bit much don't you think? So my dealer will be hearing from me soon about that...

So my car is not a lemon but my January is. It's ok. No word on my grad school application yet - still in some kind of OSU purgatory called "academic review" - not exactly sure what that means, but I have decided that while in Purgatory I would check out my options. I am a restless soul of sorts and I have been back in Ohio now for over a year (which seems to be my breaking point) and I can feel the skin chafing... so maybe I will stay and maybe I will go - I don't know. I love the community I have found here in Columbus so that is a factor to weigh in - it is the sweetness for my lemonade, but my purgatory window shopping has opened my eyes to more options. Enticed, I have begun the application process for the Latin American Studies Program at the University of New Mexico. I have no idea where this will lead - whether I will get accepted or not, but it feels good to feel the chispa coming back - to feel passionate about something again - to feel like me.

Life is scary...change is scary especially when thinking about starting over....the financial cost, the emotional cost. But change is exciting too...and new places and people and life are all good things. So lemons in January = lemonade in August? Who knows...things haven't turned out the way I was hoping, but maybe they will just turn out even better. God is not a puppet master, but I do believe God is the sweetness to life's lemonade (oh, and don't worry - I did pray about beginning this process, in case any of you were wondering ;)

A resloution of reflection

I was walking today at the Grigg's Reservoir, a favorite place of mine to reconnect with nature, and thinking about how quickly a year passes and how New Year's day, one day of the year is when we take time to reflect about what has transpired in the past 364 days and to project what we want to happen in the next 364 days. It was a strange thought...it made me wonder how many people feel overwhelmed by what they didn't accomplish in the last year...and if that, coupled with the stress of the holidays and gloomy winter weather, weren't enough to contribute to an unnaturally high suicide rate this time of year? Ok, I realize this is a very morbid thought, but it did cross my mind as I jaunted under the Fishinger Rd Bridge; it's a beautiful structure, and the water passing under it seemed an appropriate image for the beginning of a new year, literally water under the bridge. Typically, January and February are hard months for me - very cold, not very much sunshine and the excitement of the holidays has passed; this year though, I find myself relieved to have the holidays behind me, and yes, excited for the new year. I will turn 30 this year (not for nearly 10 months)and I have always thought 30 would be the best time of my life - I would have it all figured out, but still be young enough to enjoy it. Well, the bad news is I am far from having it all figured out...and the good news is, I am far from having it all figured out. Perhaps it would be nice to have more clarity, more direction in life, but it is exciting not knowing what is around the next bend and knowing that I don't have it all figured out - with each year I will add to the knowledge I now have - I will know more, learn more, become a more interesting person with the time that passes. I can only hope and imagine that I will be an amazingly intriguing woman of 50 some day. My life's greatest fear has always been that I would live a boring, common life. I feel like I have succeeded in not doing that so far and I believe I will continue to not do that in the future - which I am going to believe and live - to mean that time will shape the contours of my soul to be more interesting, more curvaceous rather than wearing me down to be smooth, mundane pebble of gravel worn out by life's waves.

Random thoughts and Octavio Paz

Sometimes I think my character flaws are most effectively mirrored in the words of those close to me. It isn't easy to see...kind of like the proverbial trees in that forest I just smacked into - painful, but necessary to enjoy the journey into the woods. So hiking baby steps toward becoming a better me...

I recently submitted my application to The Ohio State University for the Hispanic Linguistics graduate program. This an exciting event for me and I'm looking forward to re-entering the world of academia! It is also daunting to think of finances (more loans) and working....I'm not sure how I will juggle it all, but I'm counting on my friends for some hermit-prevention to offset my obsessive study habits....

Some days are better than others...I'm not sure where the fall went...the trees are so naked now, the branches seem so black and disappear so quickly with the sun at 5 pm. I read this poem today by Octavio Paz, one of my favorite author-poets from Mexico and thought I would share it in its entirety here...enjoy

Between going and staying the day wavers, by Octavio Paz

Between going and staying the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.

All is visible and all elusive,
all is near and can't be touched.

Paper, book, pencil, glass,
rest in the shade of their names.

Time throbbing in my temples repeats
the same unchanging syllable of blood.

The light turns the indifferent wall
into a ghostly theater of reflections.

I find myself in the middle of an eye,
watching myself in its blank stare.

The moment scatters. Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.

Occupational Hazards of a Help Me Grow Service Coordinator...

10. Germs (hello h1n1)
9. Paper Cuts/carpal tunnel (from hours of stimulating paperwork)
8. Poor eyesight (from hours of staring at a computer screen entering ET data)
7. Second hand smoke
6. Roaches
5. Scabies (don't ask)
4. Lice
3. Pitbulls (no offense to Moose)
2. Psycho parents
1. Insanity (from all of the above)

photos, poetry, pieces of a perfect fall day

I love fall - sweater weather perfect for a brisk walk, a good book and a blanket, a cup of tea or coffee with Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background. There is no other time of year when I find myself so reflective, as if nature were echoing the transformation and growth, the changes in my own life. I wonder what is next...who I will be next fall...what transformations will have taken place...Just a thought...and now a Sunday patchwork of photos and poetry for your viewing pleasure :) Enjoy!




DESIGNED TO PERFECTION by Marcia Schechinger

Of simplistic nature
this bright autumn day
coffee warming the chill of morning
trees tipped with pink hue,
I breathe

How can the grass have
such a glow
or the trees limbs bend and bow
each so original in design

The art of this world surrounds me
yet, have I ever seen that rose before
tapering the neighbors brick
or the black squirrel
curling beneath the brush
pump in belly
from todays abundance of food

How I have worried about
the flowing of life changes
and quickly passed the bent branch
with the darkened hollow
where once a nest was made

Why have I not heard the weeping willow
with its green dreadlocks
touching my window
How many times has it tapped
before I noticed its defined braids

I have swallowed life
without chewing
drank wine forgetting
the grapes that riped for me

Today I shall begin again
like the school child giggling
remembering every leaf on the tree
has a meaning, a purpose

God, the artist, designed
life to perfection
and I have spent my days
looking at it
from way too far away
to see the subtleties
of His design and plan

Today I am not the critic
I am the the observer
the child in awe