I was walking today at the Grigg's Reservoir, a favorite place of mine to reconnect with nature, and thinking about how quickly a year passes and how New Year's day, one day of the year is when we take time to reflect about what has transpired in the past 364 days and to project what we want to happen in the next 364 days. It was a strange thought...it made me wonder how many people feel overwhelmed by what they didn't accomplish in the last year...and if that, coupled with the stress of the holidays and gloomy winter weather, weren't enough to contribute to an unnaturally high suicide rate this time of year? Ok, I realize this is a very morbid thought, but it did cross my mind as I jaunted under the Fishinger Rd Bridge; it's a beautiful structure, and the water passing under it seemed an appropriate image for the beginning of a new year, literally water under the bridge. Typically, January and February are hard months for me - very cold, not very much sunshine and the excitement of the holidays has passed; this year though, I find myself relieved to have the holidays behind me, and yes, excited for the new year. I will turn 30 this year (not for nearly 10 months)and I have always thought 30 would be the best time of my life - I would have it all figured out, but still be young enough to enjoy it. Well, the bad news is I am far from having it all figured out...and the good news is, I am far from having it all figured out. Perhaps it would be nice to have more clarity, more direction in life, but it is exciting not knowing what is around the next bend and knowing that I don't have it all figured out - with each year I will add to the knowledge I now have - I will know more, learn more, become a more interesting person with the time that passes. I can only hope and imagine that I will be an amazingly intriguing woman of 50 some day. My life's greatest fear has always been that I would live a boring, common life. I feel like I have succeeded in not doing that so far and I believe I will continue to not do that in the future - which I am going to believe and live - to mean that time will shape the contours of my soul to be more interesting, more curvaceous rather than wearing me down to be smooth, mundane pebble of gravel worn out by life's waves.
